mrnetgear

Thigns have gone way too fast this past weeks. The emotions that have been flowing threw me is something I usually experience within months and now, I don't know that to feel.

As always all the emotions and memories come back to me in musics

I have gone from something like this:

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jagBu2bqI7c

 

to this:

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q54MOToQ7Bs

 

It may not seemed like it but I actually have some strong emotions even if I really never showed them to anyone, atleast never emotions like these to any of my friends. 

Right now, I don't know what to believe or to rely on. All I can do right now is to believe the last past month never happened.

 

But that will never work since it is too many memories from all corners of the emotions we humans can experience, and I also feel that the connection to those who once were close to me will be erased, unless, I take the step of making the first contact. Which in my oppinion whows my weakness...

It happened once, it will happened this time too. 

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kzH-4iH3JLo

 

Even music in an foreign language, can help one to bear with the pain. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Here I am, another sunday night waiting for the same routine as last time. School, work, school, work. An endless loop that will never go away or brake. This is how our lives look like, we do same bullshit week after week. Some might travel somewhere and think that they're weeks never look the same, but they are just delaying the inevitable. that they are sooner or later, going back to the boring routine they always had and will have for the rest of they're lives.

We might lose a friend or someone we love, but our destiny will never change

We might gaine friends or make things that change the world, but that was destined from the beginning, by fate.

We cannot tell, what our future will be unless we truly believe in ourself, and few can do that. 

I thought twice that I knew how my future would be like.

Once with a cute girl, living somewhere in town, never had, never will happen.

Once with, what I thought was my soulmate, we would be living in a big city, with her freind have a cat. 

never have, never will happen. 

I thought there fore one moment that this will be my future, my destiny.

Never have I been so wrong. Third times the charm they say. Better luck next time they say.

All I have to do is to see through the cloak and realise that there is something I'm doing wrong since I'm not the one breaking up.  All I can do right now is wondering over my place in the universe and thinking about my life.

 

I have returned to my point of origin for some tourmenting words and depressing thoughts.

The past is the past, the future is my goal, and I don't like my past.

It's filled with hatred and sorrow from varies of angles 

But they say that if you truly want to know yourself, you have to look into your past and see what you have done

Your past is your shadow and your shadow holds your true self.

All lives are always different in some ways, therefore we cannot truly feel our friends pain and suffering.

My present is like a black hole, I have returned there once again and cannot drag myself out of it, not yet.

They say that time heal all wounds, well, time shure is taking it's time.

 

 

Destiny is a funny thing.

you never know how things are going to work out.
But if you keep an open mind, and a open heart.
You will find your own destiny someday.

 

"I'm guessing I'm trying to find a way out of here, who are you?"

"Oh so you can't se me?" The voice said suprisingly.

"uhm, no, should I be?" Brian asked.

 "Wait just a sec, gonna fix this thing here. Ah there we go"

A shimmer of blue light blurred infront of him and a person was starting to form from it. It was a woman, short hair, she had some kind of suit on her, it was slimmed against her body, it looked like it was stitched onto her skin. She was beatiful, and about a half head taller then Brian.

"I am "Visual Interaction Communicator Informer" but you can call me VICI for short, She smiled at him, it looked like she was'nt an enemy, more like she was trying to help him.

"Alright VICI, can you tell me where I am and what I'm doing here?"

"Well Brian, that can take some time"

"I am not going anywhere" He said with a serious face. 

That feeling you have when you do anything to be with the one you truly love.

In some way, those feelings in the video are familiar.

 

I’m still rolling around laughing on the floor

Weird, looks like you’re still going

Let’s start while we’re still completely shy

Make friends, and play

I look like I’m normal, but I’m really feeling lonely

In my delusions it’s bye bye 

No good friends sigh, sigh 

I don’t have problems, but then I don’t have enough

Popularity is far away 

No good friends sigh, sigh

But when unfortunates come togheter

Stuff that you just can’t predict

Stepping on social landmines

Man, I totally want to peek

I’m telling you, I don’t want to regret

Take your cheap pride and cut it off, throw it away

If you look at it from the unfortunate weird, looks like you’re still going

Fighting with each other, getting nervous with each other

Let’s find it

Make friends and play

Cut it off, throw it away, yes

How’s that you get one word

Everything we hold close to our hearts, family, loveones, our dreams is worth fighting for, even if it means lots of pain and sacrifices to obtain our goal in life, it is damn worth it! If the goal is to far away, all you have to do is to take that extra jump, it may be risky but the results may be way over your expectations. If your goal isn't what you thought, and you may be stunned over what has happened you may cry, hell, you may even need to brake something and go into exile for some time. What does'nt kill you only makes you stronger is a well know sayings that has meaning and wisdom. To bad we take our friends, our loved ones, everything we have in our little lives for granted and can't see past all the bullshit and lies.

The action that we do and make gives an opposite and equal reaction back to us, maybe its destined that some things have to happened or maybe we create and make our own destiny as we wish it to be like. All of the succesful things we make in life shows the rest of the world who we really are. But to show who we really are we also have to show all of our flaws and the pain we had to live with. none in this world is perfect and no-one can have a painless past.

 

Somebody, please help me. I dont know what to do im losing my mind! My mind i fucking with me once more and giving me these thoughts and try to make them real. I dont know what to believe in anymore...

He quickly grabbed the mans hand before he injected the fluid in his arm and jammed the syringe in his left eye, the man screamed in pain, he fell to the floor holding his bloodsoaked eye with his hand. He screamed even more and louder, he passed of the pain, the boy had already jumped off the bed and was running toward the other doctor at the desk, He's legs was better but he still was'nt recovered yet so, when running towards him he tumbled to the left and only took the doctor down. He held onto his hand so he could'nt move , while laying on him he yeld, "What is this? Who am I? Answer me!?"

The doctor look at him with big eyes and was stunned that he was alive, " I.... You... You should'nt be alive" he said with a scary voice. 

The kid grabbed around his neck, making it hard for the doctor to breathe, he grasped for air: "please don't, please"

he was furius and frightened at the same time, didnt know what to do. He held even tighter around the neck and the face was turning pale, he passed out, 

He loocked at his hands, they were covered in a little blood from the other man's eye, his hands were shaking, he had just killed a man, he panic, didnt know what to do. he sat up on the floor next to unconscious man, leaning with his hand on the cold whit floor, gazed upon what he jusu had done. He had no idea what to do, his mind were all over the place, looking around for a door or something. The, he saw his reflection in a mirror, his glance stopped and stared att himself in the mirror, looking at his face, "so this is me" he thought.

he had a smooth face with black, dark, hair with fire red eyes, he draged his hand  threw his hair and doen on his cheek. He tried to stand, it was still difficult but every time he tried it went better, he leaned against the mirror and looked closer, he had some cind of symbol on his right hand, It looked like a star, but it was something strange about it. He found some kind of journal on the desk were the doctor stood at and find that his name was Brian-14

"14?" he thought "what does that mean?"

he looked into the mirror, "So my name is Brian huh" he kept reading,

"subject shows no sign of void resonance, project 14 is shutting down

"there is that void thing again" Brian thought.

He stopped reading and realised that he only wore some kind of paper sheet, like he was going into surgery.

he grabbed the onconsciuos mans robe and looked rof the door they had entered from, he started to walk along the wal and found some kind of handscan, he placed his hand on it, a green light glew up and wandered from his finger and downwards, a buzz sound and a red light litted up, 

"maybe if I use one of the doctors hand I can get out" 

Brian grabbed the onconscious man and dragged him to the handscan, the green light went on the hand again and a light soft sound heard and a green light flashed,

a door that Brian did not see split open and he looked with quriosity and saw only a long hallway, it was just as whit as the room. he saw noone, only a long hallway, completly silence. 

He suddenly woke up in a big white-cleaned room, in a big ovalshaped bed, he had no idea where he was or what he was doing there, all he knew was that he needed to get out of there, fast. He jumped off the bed and fell right on the floor, he couldnt feel his legs, they had fallen asleep. Probably from laying on the bed for so long, but he had no memories of how long he has been in this place. He looked around in panic to try and find something useful, but it was no use, there was almost nothing in the room. Only a desk with something on it could be a hologramdeck for longrange conversations. He also could'nt see very clear yet, everything was still blury, lika a hangover. Maybe he was droged. Suddenly, he heard footspets, someone was coming. He paniced, "what should i do" he tought, he looked back on the bed, he had to get back on it before they noticed he had awaken. He tried to pull himself upp but it was hard, like he didnt have enough muscle in his arms, with the help from his feet that had loosen up from the sleep he got onto the bed and layed as he woke up, he listened and peek a little to see from where the sounds came from, he heard that it was more than one person, maybe two. he was scared, he didn'nt know anything about this place, hell, he had just woken up, could be a coma, "maybe he was in a hospital, but, they don't look like htese do they?" His tohught went blank when a big door split open at the left side of him, two men in white coats and some weird masks, he froze on the bed, didn't know what to do.
" aah lets se, Brian, male, 20 years old, still in coma, no sign of the void resonance,
"void resonance? what the hell is that?" he thought,
"hmm to bad he had all the requriments otherwise" the other man said, oh well, guess we have to put him down.
He had to do something quick or else he was dead,
he peeked again to se what they were doing, one was by the hologram and wrote somethin, he could'nt see what it was. The other one was preparing som fluid in a syringe. He had to come up on a plan now.
"what the fuck should i do?" he thought
the one with the syringe came closer and was ready to put the needle in hia arm,
"this is it, now or never!"

this is not good, every month I've to take money that I should'nt take from. But I have no fucking choice if I want to survive, and the fact that I'm playing games doesnt help one bit! I wish that I had a job and did'nt go to school, but apparently I have to do like my sisters and study to get a good job and earn a lot of money. Thats isn't a bad thing, but the way to get there is a pain in the fucking ass! Wish I could quit and work somewhere and all my problems, well, some of my problems would disappear. But for now, I'm stuck in this black hole.