mrnetgear

My flame is burning out

Kategori: Allmänt

 
 
I'm on the breaking point, so much time of talking.
45 days of me taking the initiative
45 days of me texting you first.
45 days of me, trying my best.
I look at my screen every other minute, hoping for a text from you.
That you might answer from an old message you have not seen yet.
My hope is dwindling, my flame of ambition is flickering, soon going out.
You have your past demons to deal with, i have mine.
If anyone would understand, it would maybe be me.
Atleast say something, don't leave me in the dark, not knowing anything.
I have been left before, it hurts.
But it hurts more from you, since I never got a chance.
My last flame of hope is dying, being consumed by the cold reality. 
 

What do i do wrong?

Kategori: Allmänt

I sit here alone, looking at my dark screen.
waiting for a notification from you.
something, anything, hoping for you to take the first step one day.
is it me? my selfrespect is eating me alive, slowly consuming me in doubt and darkness.
was my last just a fluke? 8 years of lies and deceptions? maybe.
i was happy, skeptical but happy. someone was out there, maybe for me? a friend? a lover?
I am getting old, i dont know how this works anymore, my view is twisted and wrong.
I am looking at my dark screen, waiting for a message from you.
my darkest fears are consuming me, telling me this is my reality, my life.
Like dried leaves in the wind, spent, trash for nature, rotting down in the soil.
waiting to stop existing in this world, unnoticed by everyone.
I sit in darkness, hoping you would light my world.

Friends vs real Friends

Kategori: Allmänt

Friends are People we rely on from time to time. They help us in when we need them. But The is Friends Who are what They say They are, True Friends.
A True Friend would recognize you in a crowded place, a True Friend help you With whatever you need help With no matter what.
A True Friend care for you, want to be There for you. 
A Friend is just a emotionless person Who don't care for you, don't listen to you because They don't gain anything from you.
A Friend don't know you and don't want to know you because it is waste of their time. 
For me, i only have a handfull of True Friends.
My so called Friends never see me, They never say hi on The Street unless i say it first! They never ask me If Im doing okay!
For them, i am just a useless shade in The massive darkness. 

The experiment part 12

Kategori: Allmänt

Sam pulled back the recevier and the shell jumped out on the floor.
"Why did you shot him?" Brian said with a serious face.
Sam chuckled and stood up, didn't say anything and walked pass Brian, around the corner.
Brian turned around, speechless, looking at Sam while she tries to open the door.
he walked slowly at the door and looked back at the mess they made.
Blood was everywhere, the floor the walls. Some of the guards where twitching in their legs a little.
The man at the wall was still bleeding from his half blowned head. 
Brian got sick and almost through up just by looking at him. 
Sam manage to open the door. A cold wind blew through and hit Brian.
He coudn't remember the last time he felt the air. Brian closed his eyes and crossed his arms.
It was dark, to dark to see anything but the sky. 
"Come on, we have to get to the rendezvous point." She waved with her hand at Brian.
Brian picked up the paste and walked behind Sam. 
He looked up at the night sky. Stars litted up the forest ahead of them and the moon created beatiful shadows and lighted up the world. Brian look around, only sees trees. It look like the entire building is building is sorrouinding by trees, in the middle of nowhere. 
Sam walked in by some trees, Brian followed her deeper in the forest. They didn't speak anything. 
After a few minutes later they arrived at the rendezvous point.
"Where here, looks like we are here earlier then expected".
Sam sat down on a big old oak that have fallen. 
Brian looked at her when the moonlight litted up her body.
She looked so beatiful and peacefull. 
Sam didn't know what to say or to do, he sat down a bit away from Sam at the log.
Awkward silence fell over them and the wind blew through the forest.

which way should I go?

Kategori: Allmänt

My new teacher has made me think about what I will do after I am done with my studies.
Will I work within networking, probably not, why? I don't know.
I don't know what my future will be like.
Right now, I want to move in with my girlfriend somewhere.
I've been searching for work, and there is something that find my interest.
But it have nothing to do with what I do now.
I don't know what to do after my graduation.
I don't know what to do with my life.
 

These days will go slowly

Kategori: Allmänt

So, my girlfriend is in Paris and having a good time.
So, while she is there my only option is to wait for her return.
Ofcourse I have things to do but I think of her everyday of every minute.
My phone is quiet, 
It feels so lonely without her. 
But, it is only for a few days and I might survive that.
 

One place where all memories and thoughts are connected

Kategori: Allmänt

Everyone have a place where we sitt and look over everybody else when they walk past.
We sitt there and think about our lives, where it has been, where it is, and where we hope it will take us.
A bench, a rooftop, a café or a tree, there is always a spot for everyone who wish to visit themselfs for a while. 
A choice, a feeling, an idea of some sort is all that needs to make you sitt there for an hour or two.
Unfortunate for me, I have not found my spot yet.

The full moon is approaching

Kategori: Allmänt

The full moon is back once again, I can't stop looking and think about how beatifull the moon is on a winternight with a cloud free nightsky. Just sitting on a rooftop with someone, holding eachother and gaze upon it's beauty and the stars surrounding it. 

Something simple as our number

Kategori: Allmänt

We all age more and more by each year and put on one more number on our clock.
But our age is just a number, that often is being measured by time.
But it is just a simple number that control us far too much.
What if we didn't use that number,
How would that affect us then? 
What would we be without our number?

Nothing but dreams in the black sky

Kategori: Allmänt

Noticed that it's a cloud-free sky tonight. 
I have always wanted to lay down on a field during a warm sommernight, alone or with friends, and just lay there looking up and watch the stars and the moon. 
Just glare att how beatiful and amazing they can be, watching them move above my head and look for a shooting star somewhere in the distance.

Destiny is a funny thing

Kategori: Allmänt

 
Destiny is a funny thing.
you never know how things are going to work out.
But if you keep an open mind, and a open heart.
You will find your own destiny someday.
 

True feelings

Kategori: Allmänt

That feeling you have when you do anything to be with the one you truly love.
In some way, those feelings in the video are familiar.
 

im mentally scared

Kategori: Allmänt

Somebody, please help me. I dont know what to do im losing my mind! My mind i fucking with me once more and giving me these thoughts and try to make them real. I dont know what to believe in anymore...

my toughts went blank

Kategori: Allmänt

When I heard her say that, all whent blank for Me, of Course I began to Think about the future, our future. Will we have a future togheter if your plans go as you hope it would? Can I survive with not be able to hold you every night and whisper that I love you? I cant answer that question and I hope I dont have to.

my toughts went blank

Kategori: Allmänt

Alpreone in the darknes

Kategori: Allmänt

Sitting her in the dark and listening to retromusic and brony music while playing games. This isnt right, I shouldnt be doing this, I shoud be study for my exams but for some reason I feel it wouldnt do so much different if I dont have my friends to help me. Time is running out and I dont know that to do. I also get these anoying flashbacks from my previous life, I dont like it one bit, and they also haunts me so now, I dont know if I can be in "that" building anymore. Even if I get the courage I dont know what to do, shall I pretend like nothing has happened or show the damaged that was made..... or shall I try to avoid her, I have moved on but it is not easy when the past haunts my future.

time is everything and nothing

Kategori: Allmänt

We feel that time never is enough, or that we wish we where the timekeeper, or even that we never felt the precense of time. It can delusion us of it's precense one way or another, but time will always be an illusion.

Great series need a great poem

Kategori: Allmänt

Back where it all began

Kategori: Allmänt

the traditions is back and i'm going back to my roots, with my family, and a dog. and nothing happened today, not even some suicide in america, nothing, just a little headline in the newspaper but nothing else, bumer,,, wish something could have happend but no. well, atleast we live to fight for another day.

welcome to my void

Kategori: Allmänt

They say that third time is the charm, well, maybe it is but not this time, because i'm not there, yet. much has changed since my last visit to a place like this. New living, new friends, new habits.  Plans a being forged here and there and some of them might actually become true some day, who knows. What I do know is that my future has changed for a better good